an open letter to the sexually abused: part 3

hi. a soft hello. this is my third letter to you, regarding healing from sexual abuse. i don’t speak up about this as much as i should, especially since it is where i come from. i don’t have to speak about it. it’s an ugly topic that brings me pain. but, i don’t want to keep it to myself when i have found countless ways to thrive and be full of light and bliss. i want to share my soul with you, when it is vulnerable and healing.

the spring time is coming, and with it, an emotional roller coaster of pain and trauma memories, bad days and salty tears. spring is the season i dread. are there seasons or times of the year that you dread, too? it just happens. it’s out of my control. pain is usually out of our grasp, isn’t it? and, i do wish it were in my control. trust me, i don’t like to be sitting on the shower floor with no air in my lungs and a deep ache in my chest.

still, it is spring, it is just a season. it is just time. i have to remind myself of this, repeatedly. it is just time. time is… not good or bad. it just is. this body, though, it is good. and it is fighting, with every ounce, to be beautiful and be a home for my soul. your body is fighting, too. so are our souls. fighting to be light for us. because we were not made to stay in cages and dark closets. we were made to experience the earth and delight in all the phases of our lives.
so, it is just spring. i will have to tell myself this one hundred times, most likely. tell yourself, too. it is just time. breathe. if hard thoughts come, let them. sit down with them for a moment. they’re only there because it was your past. they are not your future. don’t let them stay too long, once you’ve had all you can take, come back to me. come back here.

healing is no easy and sweet journey. it will leave your soul with bruises and tears. it is not easy. but, choosing to heal is easy.

make a space to meditate. spend five minutes thinking: "my bones are safe. my soul is safe." keep only good thoughts in that space (even if it is you sitting in the middle of your bedroom with your favorite songs on repeat while you think).
make sure you have a person of light to reach out to if you need a distraction. or many people. solitude and loneliness are good if you need time to think clear, but if bad things come crawling in, seek the light and goodness in others. i am always here, if you need, as well.
go outside, breathe in fresh air. soak in the sunlight or feel the rain kissing your cheeks. i love when it rains, i feel safe there. realize that if nature is able to caress your body as is, so too can you. your body is your home.
try yoga and think “i am good. i am safe.” with every breath and movement during your practice. yoga is a new item i have picked up and it has done wonders for my health. so far, it has kept me on track with my healing.
lose yourself in a park. eat ice cream at one am in the morning. watch a sad movie. or a horror film (those are my favorite).
fill your healing with good and new things. they will make it easier to come back to the light- after you’ve spent your time in hurt. like i said, it’s no walk in the park, it takes work and being gentle with yourself.
please note that "healing" is a journey. you're not going to wake up one day and say "i'm healed!". it doesn't work that way. there will be days that you overflow in laughter, and days when the pain sits on top of your chest. healing is the journey to having more sunshine days, more healthy thoughts, and creating a better environment for you to thrive in. healing is you choosing yourself over all the negative and hurtful tugs.

i am sorry we had to go through abuse. through that trauma. but, we’re here. we’re still breathing. we have the chance to thrive, still. we can start here, today, now. or, we can start tomorrow. start when you're ready to choose you. you deserve the love and softness you weren't given during your time of hurt.

if you feel the need or want to comment on this post, or send me an email (cheyenne@rainepoetry.com) go for it. i am here for you, if you are needing a complete stranger. i can’t guarantee that this letter will solve your seasonal problems, but it is here to remind you that you are not alone and there are still good things and moments for you in this lifetime.

all my light and love, always,
raine.

Cheyenne RaineComment